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| | | Top Ten Little Known Facts About Dick Cheney |
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| 10 | | | | Has iPod pacemaker that keeps his heart beating to Aerosmith |
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| 9 | | | | Enjoys reading his grandson excerpts from shady defense contracts |
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| 8 | | | | First vice president since Mondale to take a leak in the Rose Garden |
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| 7 | | | | Not sure if this is significant but he was the last to see Don Knotts alive |
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| 6 | | | | Has a daily 5 o'clock meeting with advisors Jim Beam and Jack Daniels |
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| 5 | | | | In 1994, underwent a failed sneer-reduction procedure |
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| 4 | | | | The second the cameras are off, so are his pants |
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| 3 | | | | His undisclosed location is a Hooters in San Antonio |
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| 2 | | | | Loves the elderly -- well, shooting at them |
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| 1 | | | | His approval rating is now lower than his number of heart attacks |
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